The struggle of having NO ARSE

Ingrown hole

I’m all about the bum, but unfortunitely I have the flattest arse in history. No matter how many pairs of spray on skinny jeans I buy I’ll never find a pair that makes my bum look good, not even in the womens section in Penneys. It’s actually hilarious when you look at it because it’s honestly an extended back. I’m pretty sure my spine continues down and goes right to my thighs and its some sort of deformity. It’s a small insecurity of mine but I still  find the humour in it.

Now I’m not aspiring to be Kim K or Jennifer Lopez but I would like it a bit bigger. We all loved that picture of David Beckhams bum, when it was taken the world stopped. Liiiiiike!

First of all I’m always having to wear a belt to stop the jeans from sagging because there’s literally nothing there to hold them up, its a nightmare.


SECOND OF ALL – if one more person tags me in this photo I’ll fucking cry. I’m literally Taylor Swift. No anaconda for me. Ever.


THIRD OF ALL – Its too fucking expensive to get it sorted.  I was genuinely looking at places that do bum augmentations and the prices are hilarious! I hope getting your bum done blows up just like lip injections did and become so much more affordable, I’d be all over it.


”The cost for Macrolane Buttock Augmentation is €2250 for 100ml total Macrolane used.


Brazillian Butt Augmentation with fat injections averages €10,000-€12,000.”

And of course, the biggest struggle of all is sitting down for a long period of time. Try sitting on a 2+ hour flight with no leg room, sitting at a 90 degree angle and your arse feels like theres two knifes digging into each cheek. No jiggy jiggy to support your bones, just pure pressure with pins and needles for the whole time.

So while you’re here you may as well have a look at David’s FAB watch. Wonder where he got it..




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